So a while back, Clickhole put out the call for new writers/content monkeys. You were required to create 10 headlines in their multiple categories (Video, List, Article, Quiz). I obviously did not get the gig (which bums me out, since this would have been a fun-ass place to work), but I was pretty pleased with my submissions/thought thy was mostly pretty funny. So I'll set them here, in this wayward and disregarded corner of internet posterity.
While I met with failure, I regard it as a worthy failure.
Please to enjoy, Tiny Handful of Readers.
17 Ways My Ex Is An Ungrateful Dragon Hooker
Watch Harrison Ford Plow His Small Plane Into This Family Cookout. Last Thrill For a 9-Year-Old Star Wars Fan!
11 Vermin Elizabeth Banks Would Eat Raw Before Laying Her Alabaster Hands Upon Any Part of Your Sad Carcass
Test Your Knowledge – Track From Cast Recording of “On Your Feet!” or Thimble Brimming With Tepid Spit?
4 Senses That Are Heightened For Matt Murdoch (Editor's note: Non-Daredevil fans may struggle with this one)
Find Out Why the Rest of the Color Wheel Calls Pantone 719B a “Scabrous Little Dick Hole”
12 Tricks For Preventing Your Next Brunch From Becoming Another Pointless and Harrowing Ordeal
Hapless Stumblebum Jeb Bush Has Actually Been Israeli Spy For Past Three Decades. “This is some ‘Mr. Bean’-level shit,” Reports NSA’s Gen. Alexander
Estate Planning: 18 Reasons You’ll Be Dumped Unceremoniously Into a Pauper’s Grave
Which Is Sadder: This Jar of Store Brand Gravy, or This Toll Booth Operator’s Partial Erection?