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Ian's (Victorious) No - WRITE CLUB, 8/17/10

Text only, vid on way:

Yes is not merely a fallacy, it is a pathetic delusion.

Yes is cake-ass. Yes is weak and silly. Yes wears RIDICULOUS sweaters. Yes is annoying and has stupid hobbies, like those hippie juggling sticks. Yes is a borderline retard brimming with unfounded enthusiasm.

Irritating? For sure. But ultimately it does not matter. Because Yes is doomed.

Every Yes turns into a No. Every one. How? Scale. If you look at ANYTHING from far enough away, it is reduced to nothing.

Even the most resolute and certain-sounding Yes dissolves into No.

The most the most buoyant and hopeful Yes – the one that contains all the promise and realizes all the aspirations – that lofty, rousing Yes that makes you want to man the ramparts and comfort the afflicted and TEACH a man to fish – that Yes? It will come to nothing. It will be forgotten. It will be buried under layer upon layer of No.

Here. Lemme show you what I’m talking about. (Pick AUDIENCE MEMBER.) What is your name, please? And how old are you right now? Final question: will you be alive in a hundred years’ time?

No. You won’t and I won’t and he won’t and she won’t and they won’t and NONE of us will.

The cutest baby you can imagine. Will be dead. In a comparatively short time. The most adorable Asian baby, with the giant shimmering, long-lashed eyes, and that awesome hair that’s like a crazy rooster comb, and his fat little fingers? Dead. Gone. Like he was never here.

The split between Yes and No isn’t about Positive vs. Negative – the answer to the question “Is the glass half empty or half full?” doesn’t fucking MATTER, because whatever your subjective perceptions regarding the METAPHORICAL meaning of the glass and its contents don’t pertain, because the LITERAL water will evaporate – the ACTUAL glass will crack and be ground down by time and the elements.

Yes and No is a false dichotomy – it isn’t an either/or proposition, because Yes at some point drops out of contention. Yes will falter and wither and expire.

No stretches into perpetuity. No is eternal.

No enfolds us as the winged jaws of the Venus Flytrap. Our bodies and our memories and our families and our ancestors and our species and the whole empire of dust we are so busily constructing.

Think about oh, say, just as a for-instance, The Fucking Universe. What is it even made of? Well, mostly, it’s made of Dark Matter. Which we cannot SEE, have no means of detecting, have never actually observed – we can only INFER that it’s there because the observable universe – all the matter in all the galaxies and stars and planets is like puniest little ass hair of the amount of what OUGHT to be there.

All that matter – all that Yes – is like a sty in the eye of a gnat that’s on bird that’s on rhino that’s on a vast grassy plain. The sty is Yes. The gnat and the bird and the rhino and the vast grassy plain are all No.

Look: if we could combine the intelligence of every one of us in this room and stuff it into one head, and then put together a whole team of those guys, and put that team underground at Fermi Lab and CERN and the Stanford Linear Accelerator with the most sophisticated machines EVER MADE FOR ANY PURPOSE, and asked them to find the most fundamental thing there is, which is called the Higgs Bosun particle, what would they tell us? NOTHING.


These no-foolin’ geniuses have spent BILLIONS of dollars and it it’s taking them decades to tell us that they BELIEVE Higgs Bosun is there.

Literally the smartest people in the whole, wide world. With the best equipment there is. Big. Fat. Goose egg.

The best minds we have. Cannot prove that the universe exists. Hey, I know: kill the messenger. But you know what? Take it up with the structure of REALITY, OK?

All the Yes that makes you and me and EVERYTHING is fucking DWARFED by the swirling cloud of No that provides the CONTEXT for everything.

Everything you think you know, everything you think you can see – is only PERMITTED to exist because it is suspended inside an all-pervading pool of “No” that underlies and surrounds and suffuses everything.

Which sounds an awful lot like God. So all your prayers are being answered. It’s just that the answer is fucking NO.



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